Scripture Reference: – Proverbs 18:24 – John 15:12-13 – Proverbs 12:26
“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother”
"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."
“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray”
My daily reading of Proverbs found me in chapter 18, and in verse 24, I once again read one of my favorite proverbs. Everytime I read verse 24, I feel the need to comment again on this great truth from Solomon.
Everyone needs friends. Those who deny this, who think they can make it through life without the love, support and encouragement from others, are simply delousional. I’m only going to look at David and Jonathan’s friendship in this devotional, although throughout scripture we see many examples of amazing friendships.
I have no doubt that Solomon loved his son Rehoboam with all his heart and wrote all these wise sayings, hoping that his son would apply them to his life. Imagine your the king and you have one son who is soon to be heir to the throne. You can only go one of two ways, spelled out all through the Old Testament. “And he did evil in the sight of the Lord” or “He did that which was right before God.” I believe Rehoboam heard all of his father’s great counsel, yet followed very little of these truths.
Was He the friend to the people under his rule? History proves that he chose a route that set him at odds with the people under his care. He sought the wrong counsel and listened to younger men, rather than his fathers, trusted, older and wiser men. Rehoboam showed himself to be a fool by creating additional burdens and taxes on the people, rather than making their lives easier.
This cost him the kingdom, as very soon the nation of Israel would split; Israel in the north and Judah in the south. Every king in the north was wicked, and only a couple of kings in the south were considered righteous men. Lessons to be learned??
Very few people are even aware that July 30 is “International Friendship Day” here in America. It was enacted by President Obama back in 2011. The theme for International Friendship Day is "Sharing the human spirit through friendship," continuing the focus on fostering meaningful connections and camaraderie among individuals.
I believe that God’s people should have a little different take on this day. In our search for friendship and acceptance, so many well intentioned believers allow the wrong friends into their inner circle. Several times I’ve written on the subject, “choose the right friends, or suffer the consequences.” If ever there was a true statement, it is that one.
Solomon spelled it out in a verse that needs no interpretation. We should all commit this to memory. He who walks with wise men shall become wise, but a companion of fools will be destroyed.” Wouldn’t it be great if every parent trying to raise godly children would have them memorize this proverb?
Beware of Fair-Weather Friends
I have more incarcerated friends that I can count who wish they could have a do-over in life. If that were possible, they would have been more careful with respect to the friends they chose. So many are serving long sentences because of following what Solomon called “a companion of fools.” A fool is only concerned about himself and will gladly take you down the rabbit hole of destruction, all because of foolish pride and poor choices.
What is true friendship according to the Bible?
The Lord Jesus Christ gave us the definition of a true friend: "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you" (John 15:13-15).
Jesus is the pure example of a true friend, for He laid down His life for His "friends." What is more, anyone may become His friend by trusting in Him as his personal savior, being born again and receiving new life in Him.
There is an example of true friendship between David and Saul’s son Jonathan, who, in spite of his father Saul’s pursuit of David and attempts to kill him, stood by his friend. You will find that story in 1 Samuel chapter 18 through chapter 20. Some pertinent passages are 1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19: 4-7; 20:11-17, 41-42.
Proverbs is another good source of wisdom regarding friends. "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (Proverbs 17:17). " The issue here is that in order to have a friend, one must be a friend. "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (Proverbs 27:6). "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17).
The principle of friendship is also found in Amos. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3 KJV). Friends are of like mind. The truth that comes from all of this is a friendship, a relationship that is entered into by individuals, and it is only as good or as close as those individuals choose to make it. Someone has said that if you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand, you are blessed.
A friend is one whom you can be yourself with and never fear that he or she will judge you. A friend is someone that you can confide in with complete trust. A friend is someone you respect and that respects you, not based upon worthiness but based upon a likeness of mind.
Finally, the real definition of a true friend comes from the Apostle Paul: "For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:7-8). "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends" (John 15:13). Now, that is true friendship!
Friendship With The World Has Nothing To Offer You
“The world's friendship is ever brittle. Trust it, and you have trusted a robber; rely upon it, and you have leaned upon a thorn; Worse than that, you’ve landed upon a spear which shall pierce you to the soul with agony. Yet Solomon says he had found "a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Not in the haunts of his unbridled pleasures, nor in the wanderings of his unlimited resources, but in the pavilion of the Most High, the secret dwelling-place of God, in the person of Jesus, the Son of God, the Friend of sinners.” Charles Spurgeon
Here are two rules for friendship – friends require friendliness, and good friends are better than family. Many make excuses for their lack of friends, but the proper conduct to get friends and keep them is not difficult. Here also is a hint of the Lord Jesus Christ, the eternal Friend of His people, who will never leave or forsake them (Heb 13:5-6).
Friendly people have all the friends they want. A gracious man will have the king trying to be his friend (Pr 22:11), and a gracious woman will always be esteemed (Pr 11:16). To make friends or keep friends, a person has to be friendly. When there is a shortage of friends, it proves a person is not friendly. Though such persons may think and tell you that they are friendly, they have character or personality traits that drive others away.
This rule hurts, but it is as true as gravity. A lack of friends indicates problems getting along with others. A goal in Solomon’s Proverbs is for you to grow in favor with God and men, which is a choice on your part to have desirable character and conduct (Pr 3:1-4; 22:1; 27:9; 16:24,28; 17:9). Even enemies can be won by good conduct (Pr 16:7). So if you do not have many friends, look into Proverbs’ mirror and find your blemishes (Jas 1:21-25).
Friends love at all times, not just in good times; they are not fair weather friends (Pr 17:17). Friends give more than they take, and they do not worry about what they get (I Sam 18:3-4; 23:16). Friends give hearty counsel, not haughty advice (Pr 27:9). Friends think the best and bear the worst (I Co 13:4-7). Friends are always gracious (Pr 22:11).
Friends sharpen each other, even if it requires correcting or rebuking (Pr 27:6,17; Ps 141:5). Friends are intimate (Ex 33:11; Deut 13:6). They communicate openly (Jn 15:15). Friends show pity in affliction (Job 6:14; Ps 35:14). They trust each other (Ps 41:9). Friends rejoice in blessings (Luke 15:6; John 3:29). Dear friends, – what kind of friend are you?
Friends do not give advice before it is needed, allow you to sin against God, meddle in private matters, presume on your time, think about getting rather than giving, share secrets, trivialize matters, have pride, remember past faults, have self-righteousness, or claim rights to affection. Have you offended in any of these ways? If so,Repent; Head in a new direction.
Exceptional friends are rare. If they were common, they would not be special. Great friends are better than family, for they will stick closer than any mere blood relative. Your brothers did not choose you, but true friends chose you for good and noble reasons. They will be with you and for you, when your brother has moved on in his own life.
I keep coming back to David valued Jonathan’s love for one another; even more than that of women (II Sam 1:26). His own brothers disdained him, but Jonathan loved him as his own soul (I Sam 16:1-13; 17:28; 18:1-4). So they made a binding covenant together that affected their own lives and those of their descendants as well, if the other died first.
When you find such a friend, do all you can to keep him. Diligently avoid offenses, and clear them quickly if they occur (Pr 18:19; Matt 5:23-25). An excellent friend may be inherited from your father (Pr 27:10). When in trouble, you want to use this friend rather than family, for he will always be nearby in affection and be honored to help you.
Final Thought
Christians should make the best friends among themselves, for blood is thicker than blood; that is, Jesus Christ’s blood is thicker than any family blood bond. Consider the love of the Spirit (Acts 2:42-47; 4:32-37). If agreement is necessary to walk together, then agreement in the gospel creates a wonderful relationship (Amos 3:3; Phil 1:3-5).
The Lord Jesus Christ, the eternal Friend of God’s people, did more than any friend – He laid down his life for them, when they were His enemies (John 15:13; Rom 5:8). What brother would do that for you? He now lives for His friends and will not lose a single one of them in time or eternity. Let Jesus Christ alone be the perfect fulfillment here!
Heavenly Father, how thankful we are for the friends you have put in our lives; men and women who love you with all their heart, soul, and mind; friends that truly want the best for us. Grant us wisdom as we navigate through life, choosing only those friends who live lives of faith and obedience as our close friends. Let us consider this July 30 to call several friends and let them know how much we love them and thank God for their precious friendship.
I close with my favorite quote from Charles Spurgeon on friendship.
“Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend.”
From: Fight the Good Fight of Faith / Life Journal: By Gregg Harris
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